EXPECT MORE

I contributed an article in this publication.

http://issuu.com/soniagri/docs/expectmorefrom2011-soniagrimaldi

THE 7 BIGGEST TANTRA MYTHS

The 7 Biggest Tantra Myths

Tantra is an umbrella term which although ancient in it’s roots has lost much of its traditional meaning in its translation to the west, so it's not surprising that some people – even many experienced practitioners– have misconceptions about what its true meaning is. 

Here are the seven most common myths I often hear about Tantra.

Myth #1: Tantra is all about sex

Because Tantra has nearly always been associated with sex in the west it's tempting to think that that is all it is about. But this is a misnomer and not the case at all. It is really first and foremost a way of experiencing life to further deepen spiritual realisation - a pathway of meditation, transformation and liberation. Integrating self-love, truth and unity with the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine is the core of Tantra. Filling your own cup from the inside out so that it overflows and you can extend this sense of wholeness and self love to your beloved. We then have spiritual sexuality.... two beings in their sovereignty and authenticity so that when physical unity takes place we have a circulation of energy so powerful that it may heal and transform.

Myth #2: There's only one way to learn Tantra

Many dedicated people who recognise the great opportunity in learning Tantra sometimes think there is only one right way to learn Tantra and that way is to find a tantric master and follow a particular approach and line of teaching to the exclusion of all others. That is certainly one way, and it may actually be the most effective, but it's by no means the only way. It also may be unrealistic to find a genuine Tantra master today in the West, so you may be searching a long time. But there are nevertheless many very good teachers in the West who can help you cultivate a personal practice and reach the level of proficiency that you desire. There are workshops you can do, transformational one on one sessions and of course you can always read about Tantra and view Tantra then experiment with it yourself. 

Like all spiritual practices,Tantra begins with YOU.

Myth #3: There's only one right way to do Tantra

In today’s world there are three main lines of teaching in Tantra and many, many other ways to do Tantra that can still give benefits and add to our modern lifestyle. There is white Tantra which is a very internal spiritual approach, red Tantra which is more external and sexual... then somewhere in between these two, which is the path that I aspire to and which attempts to take the best of these two approaches and integrates them as seamlessly as possible into one.

Myth #4: Tantra is only for heterosexual couples

Many Tantra practitioners have the mindset that Tantra should only be used for improving sex in heterosexual relationships. That's natural, because that might be what first attracted them to the idea of Tantra, but Tantra is a practice that is applicable to everyone regardless of sexual orientation.

Given the fact that sex is the universal energy of Love there are many other opportunities and reasons for exploring Tantra – for example, using Tantra with:

• Gay and lesbian relationships
• Teenagers and young adults
• For people recovering from addiction
• To help heal abuse and violence
• For singles preparing for a conscious relationship
• For treating sexual dysfunction in men and women

Love is an undiscriminating all pervading force and this is the force we are activating in Tantra. It has no personality or judgement, it just is. So as long as we are in the Tantric space of giving and receiving the beautiful healing energy of love it can be applied to any situation.

Myth #5: Tantra will replace my existing spiritual practices

Some of the tantric practices you do may replace existing practices, but many don't - and sometimes they can't. For example, it's difficult for some people to get their head around all the different eastern terminology used and the rituals to create an authentic tantric experience. But that's no reason to abandon Tantra altogether. Many of the honouring and intimacy techniques and the meditations can promote, support, complement, supplement, and add tremendous value to your existing lovemaking and spiritual practices.

Myth #6: Tantra is complicated

In fact Tantra is actually very very simple. That’s probably what makes it seem so complicated because a lot of people can’t believe that these practices can be so simple and suspend their disbelief long enough to just give them a try. We seem to think that everything has to involve “doing” and great effort and keeping ourselves very busy before anything of value can happen. Tantra is a more feminine approach and is about receiving, trusting and resting in the knowing that everything will get done in perfect timing and then the bliss and love can enter our lives and the body through grace, ease and relaxation. At first it may feel unfamiliar and difficult, but that's true of anything new! I hope that doesn't stop you from dipping your toes in the water and getting started. Really, Tantra is as simple as being conscious of two things: Breath and being present with the flow of giving and receiving love.

Myth #7: Tantra does not apply to the West

Really? Spirituality is a part of daily life, and no longer something separate. Sexuality is a big part of life and an important aspect to our connecting and relationships. The idea of separating these elements of life is changing. People have access to many more teachings of different spiritual pathways and information than ever before. In the Western world we have looked at our bodies, relationships, sex and spirit in a way that has been fragmented. Tantra offers you a new possibility of integrating your sexual and spiritual energies. This allows for a greater expression of freedom and vitality which opens you up to your full potential as a human being where you are no longer held back by the constraints of fear, shame and guilt.

I'm saying we all need Tantra in the west. If not now, then very soon.

Want to know more about Tantra?

Attend a workshop or book a one on one private consultation.

                                      www.tantraflow.com

                                     ABUNDANCE OF ALL GOOD THINGS

TANTRA FOR PEACE

Tantra Tip For the Month

First, to awaken and unblock the flow of masculine energy in your body and spirit, try this meditation: 

Start by envisioning light at the top of the head in a halo-like circle, funneling energy from the heavens into the body.

 Allow this light and energy to spiral slowly downward, first opening the third eye at the center of the forehead, then circulating into the neck and throat, and fanning downward into the heart and hands, expanding your feelings of love and tenderness.

 As energy continues to course downward, begin to pay closer attention to the subtle sensations of the physical body and the senses. 

If you feel compelled to stretch a little, or make strange noises, or even undulate or crawl around on the floor like a snake, go ahead and do whatever you want. Allow the energy to warm and open the pelvis, circulate through the genitals and buttocks, and then pour downward, through the thighs and calves, and out the bottom of the feet into the earth. For ten minutes, remain in this connection to the lower chakras, allowing your movements and breath to be guided by instinctual body awareness and a feeling of oneness with nature.

Then, to enhance the flow of feminine energy in your body and spirit, try this meditation: Begin by feeling the earth solidly beneath you, allowing a sensation of warmth and vitality to pulse through the entire lower body. Now slowly move this energy up out of the legs and pelvis, and allow it to spread across the torso into the heart. 

Rest for a moment in the connection between the lower body and the energy of the heart, allowing this mixture of physicality and compassion to flow into your arms and hands. Next continue to move energy upward into the throat. Relax the back of the throat and then open the mouth as wide as you can like a lion roaring. Do this a few times if necessary until the neck and throat are fully open and relaxed. 

Now allow energy to continue flowing upward into the head, expanding the third eye at the center of the forehead. Finally, envision the top of your head opening up so that a fountain of light spouts upward from your body to mingle with the energy of the heavens. 

Rest for 10 minutes in a state of higher awareness and silent communion with your divine essence.

WHY IS YOUR SEXUAL ATTITUDE IMPORTANT?

Why is Your Sexual Attitude so Important?
Have you examined what you stand for and why when it comes to your sexuality?


Our attitudes express themselves through our words and actions. Your attitude is an outward expression of who you are, rather than what you do or know.

Attitude reflects behaviour: your attitude towards another determines the other’s attitude towards you.

In short, your attitude determines outcome and the quality of the life you have.

So what should I do?

Change your attitudes and change your life.

A few years back when I was in Sydney attending the WAS conference I also participated in a SAR’s workshop at the University of Sydney as part of my Masters degree. It’s a workshop for anyone who wishes to better understand their own sexuality and that of others, as well as for people who are working in the fields related to sex and sexuality. SAR provided innovative and practical information, training and skills necessary for becoming a more competent, sensitive, professional and for your personal functioning.

SAR is a process-oriented, structured group experience to promote participants’ awareness of their values, beliefs and attitudes on various issues in sexuality, and to assist them in understanding how these attitudes and values affect them professionally and personally. It is a powerful way to increase one’s sexuality comfort and change attitudes that may interfere with effective communication and teaching about sexuality.

What the SAR experience involved was viewing a series of sexually explicit films and discussing reactions in a small group facilitated by an experienced sexuality educator. The workshop is designed to increase understanding of the wide spectrum of human sexual arousal and behavior. Topics explored included fantasy; sexual myths; masturbation; heterosexual, gay, lesbian and bisexual relationships; transgender; alternative relationships; disability and aging.

It was a great experience and if you ever get an opportunity I would encourage anyone to attend.

Or you could always attend our upcoming Monthly Movie Salons. 
Watch a different themed movie each month and follow up with lively discussions. 
Lounge, nosh on popcorn and chat about the movie. 
Enjoy surprise visits from special guests. 
Some of the movies are instructional and educational and others entertaining and inspirational.

NEW SKILLS FOR INTIMACY AND PLEASURE

I have personally used the resources available at the New school of Erotic Touch and highly recommend them as educational support for my clients. I am also a student of the yoga of sex program and find it amazing and the coaching and instruction exceptional!

TANTRIC TOOLS FOR MASTERY

Tantric Tools for MASTERY

In my work with tantra I have deeply experienced and feel that allowing more intimacy and pleasure in our lives is the doorway to real transformation.

As human beings we each have a natural ability to give and receive pleasure and to gift that to each other. As infants we were all born open, vulnerable and loving, our bodies were naturally wired from head to toe to experience full-bodied pleasure.Then as we become adults we slowly lose these sensory connections and develop our habitual patterns of closure in our bodies and our minds.

It’s as if by the time we are 4yrs old through our parental and cultural beliefs and conditioning we all start to develop impenetrable walls that surrounds us, which by the time we are teenagers has us enveloped in layers of invisible wounds. So whenever someone touches one of these wounds unexpectedly, as so often happens in our intimate relating we instinctively contract and recoil like the sea anemone back into our shells. Or we react and angrily hit back at the others wounds, as we aggressively defend ourselves from further injury.

This process continues over time and each relationship we enter into adds to the injury of these sensitive delicate areas that never really have a chance to heal, we then build even thicker walls to enclose ourselves in. Slowly our entire bodies become covered by these wounds that are very painful to be touched. To make matters worse we look around and see everybody is the same they are all suffering just as much and are under the same cultural trance and we begin to think that this condition of suffering and pain on planet Earth is actually normal.

When it comes to our love lives is it any wonder things do not always work out as planned. As in order to relate to one another we need to be continually protecting our delicate wounds, and the very things that we need to experience which is the closeness and intimacy we actually pull back from and don’t allow because it hurts. But still, the instinct to love is so strong that we willingly put ourselves back out there again and continually pay a very high price to be in relationship.

Thankfully, the good news is that there is another way and tantra can provide us with the tools to help heal our wounds and to take the steps to mastery in love and relationships.

To become a master of anything we need to practice, and to master love we need to practice love, and this is not so much about concepts and knowledge but about taking action.

Here are some brief practices you can start to do with your Beloved. (If you are alone you can do it with a mirror as if You are the Beloved!)

Sit or lay close together, facing each other, looking softly into each other’s eyes. Breathe several slow breaths, in and out. After a few moments, take turns saying your Beloved’s name out loud, three times, as if you are offering their name to them as a precious gift. Listen to your Beloved saying your name as one Soul calling to Another.

After you have done this for few times notice any sensations in your body, sexual or otherwise, and, describe them out loud, continuing to look into each other’s eyes.

This is what may happen.
At first your partner has a name.
Then the name dissolves and there is just the being in front of you.
Then this being, and yourself, starts to feel more like you are just energy.
Then your energies start to dance together and dissolve into each other.
Two energies dissolved into each other - until there is just one energy.

When this has happened let your eyes gently close and if you experience a heightened sense of Love, a deeper feeling of each other’s presence, let that love expand outward with you radiating at the centre.

Remember to finish by touching, acknowledging and celebrating the three energy centres of Sex, Heart and Third Eye!

Enjoy.

Namaste!

EROTIC EXPLORERS PERTH!

What an interesting weekend!

I am so glad that I am involved in the work I do as I do get to experience some very interesting things and meet the kind of people who are definitely not boring but usually willing to be open and explore, I really do appreciate their presence and essence.

Recently I was emailing a client about her partner and their differing perspectives on the word love. I guess I can understand to a certain degree where they were both coming from when talking about love. It is so hard to differentiate the real from the false when it comes to that word. It has been used to cover a mulititude of meanings and it really is not just one thing therefore is very hard to define.

"What is Love"?

She was feeling that her partner is stuck because he is selecting to watch certain themes on BDSM websites where he is embracing in her mind the "darker" side of his sexuality. I know that there are many people who embrace the "darker " side of sexual expression and BDSM is definitely a big part of that. She is finding it difficult to embrace this in her partner and therefore questioning the love and the meaning of the whole relationship.

I guess because we lack education we do have a lack of tolerance for our differences in sexual expression and erotic fantasies.

He is on his own journey of discovery and she on her's, if they could have compassion for each other and maybe not take it all so seriously and communicate better maybe they could come to some understanding of each others differences.

It is probably a real fantasy of his to have an erotic power exchange and to have the exchange reversed in an encounter.

I was wondering if there was somewhere in Perth where they could go and actually visit a dungeon and take a tour. That could be fun for him and really titilatting. Maybe just being in the zone of a real club like this will alter his perception of the possibilities for erotic power play.

EMBRACING EVERYTHING!

What an interesting weekend!

I am so glad that I am involved in the work I do as I do get to experience some very interesting things and meet the kind of people who are definitely not boring but usually willing to be open and explore, I really do appreciate their presence and essence.

Recently I was emailing a client about her partner and their differing perspectives on the word love. I guess I can understand to a certain degree where they were both coming from when talking about love. It is so hard to differentiate the real from the false when it comes to that word. It has been used to cover a mulititude of meanings and it really is not just one thing therefore is very hard to define.

"What is Love"?

She was feeling that her partner is stuck because he is selecting to watch certain themes on BDSM websites where he is embracing in her mind the "darker" side of his sexuality. I know that there are many people who embrace the "darker " side of sexual expression and BDSM is definitely a big part of that. She is finding it difficult to embrace this in her partner and therefore questioning the love and the meaning of the whole relationship.

I guess because we lack education we do have a lack of tolerance for our differences in sexual expression and erotic fantasies.

He is on his own journey of discovery and she on her's, if they could have compassion for each other and maybe not take it all so seriously and communicate better maybe they could come to some understanding of each others differences.

It is probably a real fantasy of his to have an erotic power exchange and to have the exchange reversed in an encounter.

I was wondering if there was somewhere in Perth where they could go and actually visit a dungeon and take a tour. That could be fun for him and really titilatting. Maybe just being in the zone of a real club like this will alter his perception of the possibilities for erotic power play.

THE FIVE BENEFITS OF TANTRA

I am really excited that I just found a way to make really quick and easy videos with subscribing to a website called animoto. 

I created  a short video for my tantra and intimacy coaching

 The 5 Benefits of Tantra
 tantra flow pathways to pleasure

SHIVA AND SHAKTI - THE DANCE OF PASSION

Sometimes it's hard to get around all the eastern terms when first learning about tantra.
Here is my description and interpretation of the tantric terms Shiva and Shakti...

We all carry within us equal amounts of the complimentary energies of creation. There are many names for these energies in tantra they are identified as the tantric names of Shiva and Shakti.

Shiva is the aspect of God within you that is pure consciousness and potential power. It is infinite, aware and potential energy. It is omnipresent and the source of all that is. Shiva may be thought of as conceptual and intellectual. Shiva speaks through knowing - without words or feelings. Shiva is love.

Shakti is the aspect within you that is creative power in action. Shakti is the will or desire that brings Shiva’s potential into motion and manifests it. It passionately triggers the potential creativity of Shiva and actualises it. Shakti is expressive and speaks to you through your senses. It is inspiration. Shakti is the verb form of love - loving

Shiva and Shakti are not separate and work together within us as one. They are the 2 sides of the indivisible creator.

In tantric mythology Shakti’s love for Shiva makes Shakti dance passionately and bring Shiva’s creative potential into existence.

It is this dance of intimacy that creates you and allows you to know and experience love.

It is the source and the force behind everything including our relationships. It is the drive behind passionate love for yourself and others.

We are all Shiva and Shakti and exist together in eternal ecstasy.

When you are conscious of these universal forces within and acknowledge them as co-operative and co-creative aspects of love you experience ecstasy, wholeness and a love for all that is.

When you fall in love you are recognizing through the Shakti and Shiva within you the divinity of the other.

Within these two complementary forces there lies the cosmic force of attraction that opposites attrack, it is this very polarisation that magnetises us to a partner and generally leads us to respond in opposite ways sexually, which can be a source of tension if not understood.

So it is helpful to recognize the common differences in masculine and feminine responses to love and sex in order to bridge any gap in desire and responsiveness.

This has to do with understanding the way that sexual energy flows in people whose sexual essence is predominantly masculine in contrast to those with a primarily feminine sexual essence.

Masculine (or yang) sexual energy is like fire, which goes up. Sexual arousal quickly ignites the genitals, and then the energy moves up towards the heart and warms and awakens it. This movement of sexual energy actually helps a man open to his own feelings of love and be more receptive to his partner's love.

Feminine (or yin) sexual energy is more like water, slow to boil but once aroused can simmer and she can stay turned on for a long time. Her arousal often begins in the breasts and the heart and generally requires loving feelings to flow down to the heart. Once fully warmed in the heart, her desire then flows down to her genitals.

CELEBRATIING SUMMERTIME!

Celebrating summertime,

Nourish yourself 
Summertime and the living is…stressful. With the longer days it has meant there’s more to do and more time to do it in. So we begin the season by throwing ourselves into it wholeheartedly with wild energy, racing from picnic to party, trying to juggle the demands of work, friends and family. When even another social event seems like just another stressful demand on our routine, we know that it may be time to take stock and find a deeper meaning to all the bounty that life has to offer.

On top of it all the current economic climate and the continual talk of doom and gloom, the bushfires in Western Australia, the floods in parts there is so much uncertainty out there that it is impossible to deal with things that are outside of our control and this creates even more stress. The government and economists don’t know how any of this will pan out. However, what is possible is that you can focus on yourself. That is the only certainty you have. Bono once wrote, "I can't change the world, but I can change the world in me." It is fair to say he changed the world.

From my own experience, this is a great time to do just that stay focused and of course extend help and support as is appropriate to as many others as you can. But the first thing you need to do is to fill up your own cup. Try not to get too distracted by all the negative happenings that are going on around you. One of my friends says that she wants to lose weight; another says she wants a new body image and yet another want’s to seriously build his health and another wants to save the planet. All of these are noble pursuits if taken in the context that really we can only begin here and now and in our own backyards.

The benefits of losing weight are enormous and getting a positive body image and feeling comfortable in ones own skin will help you feel better about yourself which boosts your confidence and self-esteem. As for the general goal of looking after your health, you would in that way be laying the foundation for overall success. The thing is to start investing in yourself. Rather than focussing on financial wealth, which by the way is important, you could focus on your health, which is the first wealth and as was pointed out recently to me the word wealth actually comes from the word meaning well - being.

To expand on this, we should always remember that another part of wealth is the value of relationships. Many people lose not just their money as shown in the credit crunch; they lose also their relationships. A good relationship is too valuable to let go of. Relationships nurture, support and empower us. So do take care of your relationships. A credit crunch is not the time to let your support system go. Nothing is.

In the midst of all this, maybe you should learn a new skill or two. There is nothing better nor more enriching than learning tantra and new intimacy and relationship skills. And it has never been easier to enjoy tantra.

You could start right now by practising this basic tantric movement. The purpose of this exercise is to prepare the physical body for extended passionate lovemaking.

The key to this exercise is to just pivot at the hip joint and get a rhythmic easy loose swing going and as the energy builds let it move up the body in waves. Imagine a clock placed on the floor between you and your partner. Allow your pelvis to rotate in a clockwise direction. Synchronise your movement so that you mirror each other. after 2 minutes stop, gaze into each others eyes and breath together, feeling your connection to each other and the Earth. Reverse directions.

So make the end of summer the perfect time to tend to your own garden. Slow done, quiet the mind, rejuvenate the body, and make time for yourself. When you take time to focus on your own well-being, you can better take care of the things that really matter to you.

In these hectic and stressful times, taking time for yourself isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity. Tantra can help you wake up your senses, nourish your body and revive your spirit.

Good Luck and have fun!