A CLIENTS JOURNEY TO SEXUAL RECOVERY

My Journey to Sexual Recovery

Here is a chronicle of one of my clients journey towards sexual healing.

                                         

To not be able to achieve an erection is a painful thing. It hurts the ego and one’s sense of self-worth. Even worse is the lack of sexual drive as that is the very basis of  sexual dysfunction which includes erectile dysfunction.

As a young man, I did not have much sex but I did have an appetite for sex, This meant frequent masturbation and some petting and intercourse. All that thrilled me but there was always this guilt that I had done something dirty. And there were reasons for this guilt.

You see, I was threatened with hell and damnation by my Christian parents and that it was a sin to touch yourself, And when I learnt four letter words, my mouth was “washed”  with the hottest of chillies. So I grew up devaluing myself and avoiding sex. How many chances did I blow because I did not want to “ degrade” a woman! Many of them were beautiful.. Many wanted sex with me but I felt that I would not defile them and so remained inactive.

That inactivity took its toll as through the years and especially after an operation,I could not get it up. Still sex was a mental preoccupation but the body did not react, during one incident that then started me on the road to sexual rehabilitation.

I went to my doctor for a regular six-monthly check-up and he was pleased with my blood tests and other results. Then he asked me about my sex life.  I told him I had none and he reacted with surprise. “What, you don’t know how much damage you are doing to your health.! So the good doctor urged me to get sexual and prescribed Viagra.

At first, Viagra worked well but only for a short time. Eventually the effect wore off. Then he put me on Cialis and then Levitra .Same old story. Floppy Dick!

I remember the angst I went through and then I searched for a teacher. You know what they say about The Secret – wish and you will have it? Well, it worked ,even before the book was printed. I looked for and found a teacher. I bless the Internet because it led me to Sonia.

When I first came to see her two years ago, I was sexually inactive and had been so for many years. The basic problem was that I felt guilty about “taking” a woman. The guilt always lay with me and I judged myself very harshly. I had wanted women but it was confined to a mental plane.

So when I met women in the flesh, I would feel embarrassed about my nakedness and the “lust” I felt raging through my mind. My body would not respond as if to say that lust, wanting an erection and penetration were such bad things.

                                            

Sonia encouraged me out of my shell slowly and out of my self - imposed fears, shame and guilt, by focusing on the fact that I was being unfair to myself. She told me that my fear, shame and self-denial was unwarranted and had been put there by misguided people eager to impose their sexual (and religious) views onto me.

Slowly and gently, she encouraged me how to appreciate myself as a person with natural needs. Her Tantra teachings were laced with doses of healthy self-love and appreciation. It was she who taught me how to relax in the presence of a woman and to enjoy their company.

Over two years and bit by bit, her coaching which included building confidence, understanding my own function, understanding women and how to enjoy self pleasuring and I did that with instruction and the use of DVD’s which I now find very useful and educational. DVD’s play an important role in helping me learn new sex techniques, getting new perspectives of sex, learning how to pleasure a woman and learning how to get pleasure from a woman. I began to see that DVD’s are not solely for vicarious delights but for insight. The first barrier had fallen.

Then I began to deal with the misguided view that sex was solely or mainly a goal oriented exercise and only about penetration and orgasm. It is not. Sex is a whole lot more.  It is building rapport, getting into the mood, understanding your partner’s needs, communication, intimacy and much more. Foreplay is the most enjoyable lead-up to sex .It is the main part and penetration which lasts the shortest of the whole process is just a small part.

I learnt that hands, touch, lips the other parts of the body are just as vital as the penis which in my case had been a flop (no pun intended) for a long while. Slowly, I began to appreciate that it did not matter so much that my penis was not hard. After all, I rarely had sex and I was above 60. 

Then slowly more and more a miracle unfolded during more experiential sessions to take me further on my journey. I began to gain confidence. Just imagine what I had gone through with  women. They were vague and this led to many misunderstandings. Sex should be enjoyable and should not be clouded by innuendos. I began to feel very much at ease. I dared to be bold and created a feeling and a sense of safety.

It is important that people like me should be told how well they are doing. It is a boost to know that you can please a woman sexually. After all, it is all about learning. It is a better solution to sexual dysfunction than any other way.

Honesty with yourself and your teacher is important in both ways. Only then can you make progress. I took a vow to be always honest and it has paid off. 

Also I have found that it pays not to be pushy and insist on having your way. I am by nature not a pushy person and this has worked to my advantage.

The best medicine is desire! But for desire to arise, you need to have all the conditions in place.

Most importantly, be relaxed. One sure way to achieve that is not to have expectations. Tantra and sexual healing is a natural path and it will take you on the course you need. So there’s no need to fret if you can’t get hard. Nothing is wasted in Tantra. Every moment is a reward for your persistence. 

Certainly, I have been rewarded.

And so days after my sessions, I found myself thinking  – what was said and how I felt. I then got a surprise! I got an erection. Not really hard but hard enough with no Viagra. Can you beat that?

The mind is all powerful.

I know that in my case, I am only beginning to get back to normalcy and the truth is that I will need these sessions for a long while yet even if I am in a regular relationship.

If you would like help with erectile dysfunction and healing transforming sexuality, Intimacy and relationships then my private tantra sessions can support you.