THE BENEFITS OF SELF PLEASURE

Recently, it was reported that Australian doctors have found a preventative measure for prostate cancer in men  - daily masturbation.

They found men who had five or more ejaculations weekly while in their 20's reduced their risk of getting prostate cancer later by a third.

Another study, reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association, also found that frequent ejaculations, 21 or more a month, were linked to lower prostate cancer risk in older men, as well, compared with less frequent ejaculations of four to seven monthly.

It seems that masturbation can be a life saver because it prevents the buildup of carcinogenic substances in the prostate. By masturbating frequently you release these toxic substances and help keep your prostate healthy.

Far from being a means to simply enjoy physical sensation masturbation can also be a process to improve your health and well-being. Betty Dodson the American expert who wrote the classic Sex for One says it is a tool for singles to become self-dependant and not need a partner to satisfy them sexually. You can therefore become responsible for the fulfillment of your own desires, if you enjoyed sex with a partner then masturbation could be a bonus.

One of the many causes of frustration and unhappiness sexually in peoples’ lives is their romantic fantasies that some day someone will materialise who will solve all their problems and fulfill all their wishes. No one is coming to solve our problems. If we don’t do something to help ourselves then nothing is going to get better. The great advantage of accepting this is that now the power is put fully back into your own hands. Don’t wait for someone to fulfill you sexually because that is a very dis-empowering place to be and only leads to frustration, passivity and helplessness. You alone are responsible for your own erotic health and sexual education.

In particular, I think that women still avoid facing their own situation about what is happening for them sexually due to personal fears and blockages that are both collectively and individually reinforced. All women and men need to explore and develop their own erotic energy independently of what they may be doing with a partner.

Here are some of very good reasons why you should self-pleasure, if you really needed any. From my own practice of sex and intimacy coaching, these are some of the better ones:

1)    It feels really great and teaches you what turns you on and what doesn’t.

2)    You can shed your inhibitions and really let go and just experience pleasure without the pressure of peformance or pleasing another.

3)    It releases stress and tension and lowers blood pressure.

4)    It is completely safe and risk free as you don’t need to go out looking for a suitable partner.

5)    It expands your potential sexually because you can try different techniques.

6)    It helps you sleep better, the chemicals released during orgasm induce relaxation and promote deeper sleep.

7)    It improves circulation throughout your body and gives your skin a radiant healthy glow.

8)    It releases beneficial hormones and balances their functions and levels.

9)    It is free.

   10) You can become the master of your own pleasure.

The power is in your hands!

THE LIBERATING POWER OF TANTRA

THE LIBERATING POWER OF TANTRA 

by SONIA

It has been said that women give sex to get love and men give love to get sex.

Obviously, both come from different perspectives (Venus and Mars).

Yet the common denominator is sex. And here there should be agreement. However there is so much discord here. Most women are not satisfied and more than 70 percent said that they did not orgasm. In contrast men are more easily satisfied-mere penetration followed by ejaculation would do.

However, women have more complex notions. Many women feel that penetration does not equate with orgasm. It even goes beyond that as women feel that beyond orgasm there should be other qualities like tenderness, attentiveness and generally a feeling of being appreciated.

Enter the world of Tantra. Here the ancient art of sex elevates the men and women to a higher plane then merely some form of evolved animal. In fact Tantra treats men and women as Gods. So both sexes should appreciate themselves more and see the sex act as only part of a greater goal - a union.

It's no coincidence that the Indians use” congress” as the word to describe the sex act. It's neither the f word nor “doing it”. That's banal. Congress is loftier.

The Indians got it right. Sex is more than penetration. It is part of a greater process of union. Hence the ancient Indian texts like the Kama Sutra called intercourse an act of Congress - that means to unify. And that is the core of Tantra.

Men and women are one. They are not from Mars or Venus, as some Western philosophers would have us believe. Just as a man has a feminine side, so too do women have a masculine side. And as if to bestow to sex the rightful regard it deserves, men are Gods and women Goddesses according to Tantra.

The Tantric exchange is seen as a holy one where men and women bless each other physically, mentally, spiritually and energetically. More than that Tantra unites the sexual and spiritual sides of men and women into one. In Tantra sex it is a holy pursuit that turns making love into a loving meditation. It changes the whole nature of a sexual exchange and brings the spiritual aspect of lovemaking into our every day lives.

The way to learn all of this is to get some Tantric coaching. First you must forget all assumptions you have acquired about sex. Then step into a whole new world where you and your partner discover a new experience. Just a peak - orgasm is not the main goal in Tantra but you can (men and women) have multiple orgasms. Workshops and classes in tantra generally teach breathing techniques, how to channel energy, communication processes, non-ejaculatory orgasms for men and full body orgasms for women.

The deep benefits of studying tantra that I have witnessed is that many partnerships have been saved and helped by attending tantra classes and workshops, as couples learn a gentler, more nourishing form of union that embraces subtler energy and honours the God/ Goddess (Shiva and Shakti) coming together in holy union during lovemaking.

FROM THE PROFANE TO THE PROFOUND

From the Profane to the Profound

Call it the sound of pleasure. 

Call it the sound of Sound.
Whatever you call it: Call out."

                                                                  -Philip Tosho Sudo, "Zen Sex"

We have lost the art of conversation and it is getting worse with the internet. Nobody seems to talk to anybody else. It is bad for relationships between parents and children, bosses and workers, and most of all in the bedroom!

From what I have seen, a major cause of divorce is the emotional distance that plagues couples and this is felt most in sex. This is a shame because sex is the most important frontier where we should be able to be ourselves. Sex should be honest. It should be transparent. And the only way to be honest is to communicate clearly. No matter if it’s expressing pleasure or displeasure.

Some of my clients have told me that they are hesitant to speak their minds for fear of offending their partners. They say that it is their conditioning. I help them resolve this by pointing out that it is not so much about what is said but it is more about where they are coming from when they are saying it and the way that it is said. Which includes the use of the profane. It should all be done with good intentions and if they did that then there would be no offense even if four letter words are used.

One of my clients is having a tough time using the F word during sex. He had thought that using these words would cause his partner to feel degraded or humiliated. While that could have actually happened, he also admitted that he felt that he had not honestly expressed the depth of feeling at that moment if he had not used the four-letter word. I told him that he should try it when he needed to say so because in doing so, he would have let go of his inhibitions and also raised his libido.

Which reminds me of the ancient Chinese texts that urged couples to use the most vulgar words to describe their sensations. They were also advised to shout, scream or moan as loud as necessary; this would together raise their libido and root them in the moment. In these texts men and women were advised to use their throats and cry out in the act of surrendering and by opening up their breathing in this way it would allow the sexual energy to move throughout the meridians and transmit a powerful rush to the whole body.

According to Tantra teachers, Charles and Caroline Muir, the volume of your sound influences the volume of your orgasm. They say that your orgasm will last as long as you keep vocalising your breath and taking as many as several long breaths. As your orgasm starts breathe in deeply and slowly, and as you breathe out make as much noise as you can - or even sing.

G. Morrisey, author of Urge, said something similar with these words, “Silence is not always golden: of people who admitted to being too embarrassed or uncomfortable to talk about sex with their partner; 40 per cent were unsatisfied with their sex lives”.

She also added ” Whispering sweet nothings, dirty talk, groaning, shouting his or her name, yes, yes, yes, are all good forms of communication but they aren’t particularly helpful in giving good head.....” 

She was of course talking on a broader scope suggesting that good sexual verbal communication needs to be clearer and more precise in order to be really effective.

A great sexual communication model to follow which I use with my clients is the DESC formula.

The DESC model consists of four elements: D-describe, E-express, S-specify, C-consequences.

D: Describe in your own words the situation and your partner’s behaviour and show the context of your sexual concern or difficulty, try to be as precise as possible.

E: Express your feelings and/or attitudes, using ‘I’ language

S: Specify your alternative. Identify your preference, say your solution.

C: Consequences. Say what will happen if the person follows or doesn’t follow your wish or expectation. Then show the shared advantage of the new behaviour.

So if you want to express a sexual pleasure or displeasure just say so. And know that it is OK as long as your intention is not to abuse but to open up and improve the flow of communication.

Everything has its place. In sex, even profanity can lead you to the profundity of pleasure. 

BY SONIA