SONIA GRIMALDI: 2012

Monday, August 13, 2012

BECOME THE ULTIMATE LOVER

THE ULTIMATE LOVER

One of the most common questions I am asked by men in my practice is how can they be better lovers for the women in their lives.

Most people see a therapist or a coach because they are having problems, but not these men they are usually openly proud about their love of sex and genuinely want to improve their skills as lovers. Some of them are young and have a high sex drive and others are in there forties and beyond and realise that they need to upgrade their techniques and maybe learn a few new tricks.

Often they may need a clearer understanding of where they are at a baseline level and where they would like to be as lovers and how they can improve their own sexual mastery and then a slight adjustment in current sexual patterns and style as well as instruction and greater understanding of women's needs and desires.

As each women is totally unique it is impossible to come up with one particular formula or style that will work for everyone. But here are a few things that do come out for most women.

*Most women want to feel openly desired and cherished.
*They want to feel wanted and loved and that there body is accepted as it is.
*They don't want to feel that they have to be perfect or have the perfect breasts and perfect body.
*That they are loved for the inside as well as the outside.
*They want to feel that you are paying attention to them and aware of their needs.
*Women need to be romanticized, loved and adored.
*Women need to be spoilt and nurtured.
*They need to feel trust and safety before they can relax and open up.
*Deception makes women crazy.
*They like to feel that the man is confident and does not play games.
*They like new things and variety and not robotic predictable behaviour.
*They like a man who is not too serious with a sense of humour and fun.
*A man that has sense of adventure and a passion for life and sex.
*A man that can take control.

If you would like help to learn more about healing your pathways to pleasure and transforming sexuality, Intimacy and relationships then my private sessions and Become the Ultimate Lover program can support you. Phone: 0400 881 338 www.tantraflow.com

Sunday, August 5, 2012

CONSCIOUS PLEASURE

THE OCEAN OF BLISS

Making each moment a delicious moment is the practice in conscious pleasure.

Our sexual energy provides us with an endless capacity with which to access this pleasure within our own bodies.

We can turn every seemingly mundane moment into a magic one by simply turning ourselves on and spreading that turn on to every cell in our body. It's like riding a wave of bliss. Sometimes your are in the excitement of the wave and sometimes you can enjoy diving deep and being carried along by the under currents.

Check out Isa Magdalenas description of embodied pleasure http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnB9qq8fAE0

A CLIENTS JOURNEY TO SEXUAL RECOVERY

My Journey to Sexual Recovery

Here is a chronicle of one of my clients journey towards sexual healing.

To not be able to achieve an erection is a painful thing. It hurts the ego and one’s sense of self-worth. Even worse is the lack of sexual drive as that is the very basis of sexual dysfunction which includes erectile dysfunction.

As a young man, I did not have much sex but I did have an appetite for sex, This meant frequent masturbation and some petting and intercourse. All that thrilled me but there was always this guilt that I had done something dirty. And there were reasons for this guilt.

You see, I was threatened with hell and damnation by my Christian parents and that it was a sin to touch yourself, And when I learnt four letter words, my mouth was “washed” with the hottest of chillies. So I grew up devaluing myself and avoiding sex. How many chances did I blow because I did not want to “ degrade” a woman! Many of them were beautiful.. Many wanted sex with me but I felt that I would not defile them and so remained inactive.

That inactivity took its toll as through the years and especially after an operation,I could not get it up. Still sex was a mental preoccupation but the body did not react, during one incident that then started me on the road to sexual rehabilitation.

I went to my doctor for a regular six-monthly check-up and he was pleased with my blood tests and other results. Then he asked me about my sex life. I told him I had none and he reacted with surprise. “What, you don’t know how much damage you are doing to your health.! So the good doctor urged me to get sexual and prescribed Viagra.

At first, Viagra worked well but only for a short time. Eventually the effect wore off. Then he put me on Cialis and then Levitra .Same old story. Floppy Dick!

I remember the angst I went through and then I searched for a teacher. You know what they say about The Secret – wish and you will have it? Well, it worked ,even before the book was printed. I looked for and found a teacher. I bless the Internet because it led me to Sonia.

When I first came to see her two years ago, I was sexually inactive and had been so for many years. The basic problem was that I felt guilty about “taking” a woman. The guilt always lay with me and I judged myself very harshly. I had wanted women but it was confined to a mental plane.

So when I met women in the flesh, I would feel embarrassed about my nakedness and the “lust” I felt raging through my mind. My body would not respond as if to say that lust, wanting an erection and penetration were such bad things.

Sonia encouraged me out of my shell slowly and out of my self - imposed fears, shame and guilt, by focusing on the fact that I was being unfair to myself. She told me that my fear, shame and self-denial was unwarranted and had been put there by misguided people eager to impose their sexual (and religious) views onto me.

Slowly and gently, she encouraged me how to appreciate myself as a person with natural needs. Her Tantra teachings were laced with doses of healthy self-love and appreciation. It was she who taught me how to relax in the presence of a woman and to enjoy their company.

Over two years and bit by bit, her coaching which included building confidence, understanding my own function, understanding women and how to enjoy self pleasuring and I did that with instruction and the use of DVD’s which I now find very useful and educational. DVD’s play an important role in helping me learn new sex techniques, getting new perspectives of sex, learning how to pleasure a woman and learning how to get pleasure from a woman. I began to see that DVD’s are not solely for vicarious delights but for insight. The first barrier had fallen.

Then I began to deal with the misguided view that sex was solely or mainly a goal oriented exercise and only about penetration and orgasm. It is not. Sex is a whole lot more. It is building rapport, getting into the mood, understanding your partner’s needs, communication, intimacy and much more. Foreplay is the most enjoyable lead-up to sex .It is the main part and penetration which lasts the shortest of the whole process is just a small part.

I learnt that hands, touch, lips the other parts of the body are just as vital as the penis which in my case had been a flop (no pun intended) for a long while. Slowly, I began to appreciate that it did not matter so much that my penis was not hard. After all, I rarely had sex and I was above 60.

Then slowly more and more a miracle unfolded during more experiential sessions to take me further on my journey. I began to gain confidence. Just imagine what I had gone through with women. They were vague and this led to many misunderstandings. Sex should be enjoyable and should not be clouded by innuendos. I began to feel very much at ease. I dared to be bold and created a feeling and a sense of safety.

It is important that people like me should be told how well they are doing. It is a boost to know that you can please a woman sexually. After all, it is all about learning. It is a better solution to sexual dysfunction than any other way.

Honesty with yourself and your teacher is important in both ways. Only then can you make progress. I took a vow to be always honest and it has paid off.

Also I have found that it pays not to be pushy and insist on having your way. I am by nature not a pushy person and this has worked to my advantage.

The best medicine is desire! But for desire to arise, you need to have all the conditions in place.

Most importantly, be relaxed. One sure way to achieve that is not to have expectations. Tantra and sexual healing is a natural path and it will take you on the course you need. So there’s no need to fret if you can’t get hard. Nothing is wasted in Tantra. Every moment is a reward for your persistence.

Certainly, I have been rewarded.

And so days after my sessions, I found myself thinking – what was said and how I felt. I then got a surprise! I got an erection. Not really hard but hard enough with no Viagra. Can you beat that?

The mind is all powerful.

I know that in my case, I am only beginning to get back to normalcy and the truth is that I will need these sessions for a long while yet even if I am in a regular relationship.

If you would like help with erectile dysfunction and healing transforming sexuality, Intimacy and relationships then my private tantra sessions can support you.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

< Why adult sex education is so important and what are the benefits of adult sex education and how can it improve your lovemaking and your sensual lives.

Lovemaking like any skill takes practice for example you want to learn how to cook or ski you take classes we need to take the same joy of learning new skills into the bedroom so that you become better at giving and receiving pleasure.

For us human beings, sex is not just about reproduction. It provides an important bonding function that holds couples together and makes the family unit stronger. However, we should qualify that we are talking about good sex here. bad sex has the opposite effect.

What is good sex anyway?

First of all it can be a wonderful experience that not only includes the genitals but spreads all over you into your heart, your emotions and your spirit. It gives you access to other planes of existence and connects you with the whole world and beyond. It takes you from your compact everyday self into your expanded self and the experiences can just keep getting deeper and a far more satisfying.

Clearly, good sex is important for a lot of reasons. Besides solidifying the relationship, it also makes for a more fulfilling and satisfying life overall. And yet, with something this important, many assume it is so natural that they can just do it without learning much about it. Sadly, that is far from the case.

Even those who start out with a good sex life can benefit dramatically from continuing their adult sex education. We all tend to get into bad habits, including the way we make love. No matter how good, the same thing over and over will begin to lose its initial fun and excitement. Adult sex education provides a wealth of ideas for couples to try, helps them learn to be more sexually experimental and spontaneous, and ultimately brings them closer together because their sex lives together get better and better.

Not everyone is fortunate enough to start out with everything being really good. In fact, a large percentage of married people report a lot of dissatisfaction with their love lives.

Many of the problems couples encounter sexually are a result of inadequate sex education. These can include a lack of understanding of the sexual physiology of their partner, an inability to discuss sexual needs and other communication problems, a lack of awareness of what can go wrong and the potential sexual problems that they are unprepared to deal with, and a basic lack of sexual skills needed to satisfy their partner.

Many couples have not even learned the basics, and for them, adult sex education can be of critical importance to their relationship. For those that have mastered the basic skills, the good news is that there is always more to learn that can add to the excitement and pleasure of their sex lives together.

You may be wondering why I bothered to study sex to such as extent. Well firstly I did not receive very good sex education growing up consequently from my teen years on I made all the very unwise decisions that could have been made and because of this I set out on a journey to unravel and discover and heal what went wrong.

Then along the way it was either by luck or fate that I was first introduced to a community back in the eighties that followed the teachings of the Indian mystic Osho.

It was here that I was first introduced to tantra and I got to experience some amazing journeys that would expand my mind and take me to other realms that included my sexuality and my spirit. The problem was that I did not understand what was happening or how I got there and how to replicate my experience. So being a very curious and adventurous soul I began my quest to find out more and to explore the richness of this human experience which included my sexuality. I then started taking many courses, workshops and conferences which lead to eventually completing a masters degree in the study of human sexuality.

What I learnt along the way was that the skills and tools we have been given in understanding pleasure and lovemaking are totally inadequate. The analogy is that we were given very crude antiquated tools in order to play the most beautiful of instruments. The instrument I am talking about is the human body and the music that is played within our instrument is the flow of sexual energy. The antiquated tool kit I am referring too happens to be our attitudes, beliefs and the mindset that we have inherited from our cultural conidtionings as well as the short comings of the English language that is so inadequate in describing something that is way beyond language.

So over the years in my practice as a sex, relationship and intimacy coach I have tried and incorporated different ways of teaching and road tested different methods combining current western research in sexuality education and also including some of the more eastern arts such as tantric and taoist practices and I made a dramatic leap into the new form of teaching as integrative lovemaking and sexuality.

Integrative lovemaking is very different from what generally happens in most peoples bedrooms. What happens in most peoples bedroom is what I call contracted goal oriented sex. Where the main purpose it to perform and to reach the goal of orgasm and to get it over and done with as quickly as possible. The standard lovemaking takes between 3 to 5 minutes. In integrative lovemaking the goal is to have as much pleasure, connection and fun as possible and to bring together as many different aspects of the person as possible. In oder to create a greater sense of wholeness harmony and completeness.

As a sex and intmacy coach and pleasure activist I consider sex education as very important and I provide classes from the advanced to the basic in a safe, comfortable environment where sexuality information is presented in a supportive, playful and positive manner, where couples and individuals can continue to explore all of the possibilities available to them to enhance and deepen their lovemaking and sexual experiences together.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

WE ARE ALL BORN TO BE LOVED

As babies we were all born connected. Have you ever tickled a babies toes and watched how the sensations of pleasure and delight ripple throughout the nervous system. Our bodies are naturally wired from head to toe to experience full bodied blissful pleasure. Our natural energy flows effortlessly and spontaneously throughout our whole body. Unfortunately, as we grow up we start the process of shutting down our connections and by adulthood we have greatly restricted our capacity for pleasure.

**In my work I have deeply experienced and feel that allowing more intimacy and pleasure in our lives is the doorway to real transformation.**

As human beings we each have a natural ability to give and receive pleasure and to gift that to each other. As infants we were all born open, vulnerable and loving, our bodies were naturally wired from head to toe to experience full-bodied pleasure.Then as we become adults we slowly lose our full sensory connections and develop our habitual patterns of closure and contraction in our bodies and our minds.

It’s as if by the time we are 4yrs old through our parental and cultural beliefs and conditioning we all start to develop an impenetrable wall that surrounds us. This wall has us enveloped in layers of invisible wounds. These wounds consist of all the times we have ever felt fearful and unloved. So whenever someone touches one of these wounds unexpectedly, as so often happens in our intimate relating we instinctively contract and recoil like the sea anemone back into our shells. Or we react and angrily hit back at the others wounds, as we aggressively defend ourselves from further injury.

This process continues over time and each relationship we enter into adds to the injury of these sensitive delicate areas that never really have a chance to heal, we then build even thicker walls to enclose ourselves in. Slowly our entire psyche becomes covered by these wounds that are very painful to be touched. To make matters worse we look around and see everybody is the same they are all suffering just as much as we are and are all under the same cultural trance and we begin to think that this condition of suffering and pain on planet Earth is actually normal.

So when it comes to our love lives is it any wonder things do not always work out as planned.

As in order to relate to one another we need to be continually protecting our delicate wounds, and the very things that we need to experience which is the closeness and intimacy we actually pull back from and don’t allow because it hurts. But still, the instinct to love is so strong that we willingly put ourselves back out there again and continually pay a very high price to be in relationship.

Thankfully, the good news is that there is another way and that we can relearn to be open , vulnerable and loving again and we can equip ourselves with the tools to help heal our wounds and to take the steps to mastery in love and relationships.

Monday, July 2, 2012

WHAT DO MEN REALLY WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP?

**IN the recent workshop “Demystifying Men” with the highly esteemed tantric yogini Triambika many of our commonly held beliefs and misconceptions about men were dispelled.

For example men are not naturally born to communicate their emotions openly like a woman does. They tend to bottle things up and keep much of it hidden, this is just in their genetic makeup. They are the hunters and are programmed to keep things secret. So this can make dealing with issues and resolving problems in a relationship rather difficult.

It may also mean, your man may not be communicating openly in the manner that you want him to, therefore his ACTIONS are going to appear mysterious and confusing to you.**

The truth is men are actually NOT very complicated creatures.

They only want ONE important thing in a relationship and ONE kind of woman. This may shock you but it’s something way different than the need to be appreciated, admired or loved more by their woman.

The number one thing men need in a relationship … is the freedom to BE allowed to be A MAN.

A man is someone admired for his MASCULINITY – when he knows he can protect and provide for his family and/or keep his woman happy!

That is all he wants.

They want to be or at least want to give off the “appearance” that they are the “alpha” male of the relationship. This simple concept eludes many women and women tend to disempower and emasculate men instead of encouraging them in their manliness..

This feminisation of men according to Triambika and our turning them into just hairier versions of ourselves is happening more and more. This has interfered with the natural instinctive ways of relating between men and women.

In so doing we often incite the most primitive defensive, survival reactions in men and then complain about how un-evolved they are acting. Just as men have been feminised in our society women have become overly masculine.

This imbalance affects the polarity and natural attraction in our relationships.

Is it any wonder then that we are not getting along as well as we could.

If you would like help to learn more about the deeper truths of the masculine and feminine, intimacy, sexuality, laws of attraction, relationships then my private empowerment sessions and programs can support you. www.tantraflow.com m: 0400881338